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Seven types of people I hate

It’s all got a bit heavy recently, all these serious posts about serious shit.

So I thought I’d take it back a year or so.

A good old sweary list.

It’s quite simple really.

If you fall into one of the below categories….

…get out.

People I hate. 

Ponces.
Say you go to the pub with Charlie and John.
And Charlie buys three pints. And you drink one. And John drinks one.
And then John buys three pints. And you drink one. And Charlie drinks one.
And then you decide that two pints is enough for you so you go home and Charlie and John are left standing there without a third pint…
…then you’re an arsehole.

***
Phone walkers 
You see if you walk along the street and rather than focusing your attention on the direction in which your travelling (in this instance, up and infront) because you are too busy checking yourself in to a Pret #breakfastonthego (cos none of us know what one of them looks like) and your attention is so diverted that you walk into me and proceed to spill my own coffee down my own self and over my own phone so I can’t then tweet about what a halfwit you are…
…then you’re (also) an arsehole.
***
Delayed Ticketers
If you leave the moment to retrieve your train/tube/bus pass from the very depths of your gargantuan sack to right before you reach the gate and in turn cause four people to walk up your back whilst you fuck around looking for it…
…then you’re an arsehole.
***
Train talkers
If you speak aloud on the train it should be for one of two reasons
1. To thank some for their courteous offer of a seat*
2. To alert the carriage to some death impending situation namely a fire or a bomb or a really terrible passenger poo in the fourth carriage bogs.
If you speak aloud on the train to talk, in depth, to your fella about what you do and do not want for dinner or you decide that now is the time you discussed how unhappy you are about him going on a stag do, on a phone, that keeps cutting out so you have to repeat your inane shit, loudly and near others…
…then you are an arsehole.
*we both know you’ll never need to use your voice in this instance.
**
Gym hoggers
If you are the guy who puts his towel on one machine whilst his water bottle is at another and his earphones are draped on a third whilst you are not in fact using any of the equipment but you are in fact just looking in the mirror at how many “gains” you haven’t gained since 12 minutes ago…
…then you are an arsehole
***
Self checkout swines
If you take a trolley to self checkout. Or you take a bottle of booze knowing full well you’ll get held up because a member of staff has to come and check you’re legal. Or you put stuff in the bagging area before you’ve swiped it and make the alarm go off. Or you decide after you’ve put your card in that you now want cigarettes. Or you do anything to make the whole painful experience more painful to those practically loosing an arm from dragging round a week’s shop in a shit plastic basket that are standing behind you…
…then you are an arsehole.
***
Those with poor text etiquette
You see if someone sends you a message, and you have those read receipts on so that said person can see that you have read their message, and then you don’t reply to their quite blatant question, and then you text them three days later as if nothing ever happened even though they’ve been looking at their phone waiting for your reply, on average, every 40 seconds for the last 70 hours…
…then you, my friend, are an arsehole.
LL x

 

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