How to spot he’s from Croydon

 So you know they say that Essex boys are all loafers & no socks? And that Geordie boys can be spotted a mile off from the hue of their fake tan.

Well Croydon boys may have a smaller square footage to claim, but boy do they have their very own tell tales.

So incase you were unsure, I’ve put together a little starter kit. So you can really tell if the boy’s Croydon through & through. 

For starters, if you ever meet his parents & go to their house there will be a picture up of him having eyebrows like this when he was a teenager #stripevibes


He’ll also have a hole in one or both of his ears from where he used to wear one of these. Unlike David Beckham, Croydon boys bought theirs at Elizabeth Duke #argoschic.

He will have spent his teenage years saving up enough money to buy a pair of these. Ask him if he ever played football in them. The answer will be “Fuck, No” TN’s were NOT for football.


He will have bought them from here

He probably owns one of these, even if he doesn’t wear it that often/anymore/ he realised after all these years it’s actually too big, it’s 100% in his cupboard.

And he owns about 17,000 of these in various colours. 

And when he’s going out out it will be like this. Cos yes I’m going out out so I will button my crisp white shirt up to the very top. Will I wear a tie? Will I fuck.


The trainer fixation didn’t stop at the TN’s, it continued well into adulthood.So his Instagram will look like this.

(NB; he will spend more money on trainers then he will ever spend on you) 

Let’s be honest, 90% of his wardrobe comes with this on it 
He’s been on about 70 dates here 

And pulled several a bird here 

He’ll often don his Air Max’s down here  on a football Saturday with the lads. All of the lads will be wearing a long sleeved polo. Fact

& when he’s had too much to drink on said Saturday you’ll see him walking home with one of these. Trying hard not to get any grease down his Barbour. Or on his TN’s. Or on the bird he just snogged in Lloyds & who he is now treating to a two piece & chips. 




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