12 reasons January has been the worst

Thank god it’s over. Tomorrow we can wake up & the worst month of the year will be a distant memory. Hurrah!

Here’s a little Sunday Summary for you. A Sunday round up of why January has been the absolute pits!

1. You’ve been ever so skint. Since, like, December 28th.
Cos you got paid crazy early and society tells you that you have to spend everything you own on other people in the space of 5 days. Hey overdraft! Long time, no speak.

help me i'm poor

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2. And when you did get paid on Friday, you might has well have not have been.
Because well, it just went on the credit card. To pay for all those other peoples joy!

million.gif

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3. It’s pretty much been dark for 31 bloody days.
Wake up. Dark. Go to work. Dark. 3pm. Oh hey you big sky turner offer you.

dark

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4.  Which means all you’ve wanted to do is seek some sun.
So you’ve spent 5 long weeks looking at holidays. That are super cheap in the sale and would cheer you up no end. But then you realise, oh wait, yep. Still skint.

5. You’ve been painfully sober.
By the way, who ever invented Dry January needs a slap. Like, please stop making me realise that I’m a problem drinker. For the love of God!

6. Which in turn made you realise that you only like your mates when you’re all a bit pissed.
Which is sad because you also realise what age you’re turning this year and it’s too old to make new friends. Gutted.

dont like you

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7. You were painfully sober until Friday that is. When you drank..EVERYTHING.
End of Dry January. Payday. Let’s. Go. Mental. And round shit January off with a world ending hangover. Cheers guys. Cheers.

drunk karen

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8. You’ve been starving for a month.
a) because you decided you needed to go on a dust only diet in the New Year. b) you can’t afford proper food because, well, it’s January Goddamit.

9. You’re pretty sure you’ve lost some knee cartilage.
Because you’ve done nothing but run for a month because a) once again the dust diet only allows for 45 minutes of excruciating exercise a night and b) you can’t afford proper entertainment because, well, it’s January Goddamit.

10. You’ve developed cataracts.
Because you are in a really sordid affair with any box set you can lay your hands on.

box set binge

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11. You’ve also become the most sceptical person to ever walk this fine land.
Because you’ve only been at home watching Making a Murderer or listening to Serial or one 2016’s other hot series. And you’re are now convinced that everything is a conspiracy theory. Like, everything. Honestly, I’ve got a friend that has had such a box set heavy month, she’s adamant that her own Aunt is a spy. True story.

mam.gif

& finally

12. You’ve cried quite heavily.

Because David Bowie died, and then Snape died and then today Terry ‘Hero’ Wogan died.  But mainly you cried at the arrival of your gas bill. Because that was literally the worst day of your 2016.

  • oprah cry

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