When you’ve known each other a million years

It’s been a weekend of long standing friendships.

Dean, Laura & I stayed in the pub on Friday and realised that it’s been 15 years since we started chatting on MSN and generally annoying the hell out of each other.

We spent Saturday night around a group of lads that have clearly been friends for yonks, made clear by the low levels the ‘banter’ stooped when referencing each others sex lives.

I got home on Saturday to a postcard from Josh on his travels, another one of my longstanding counterparts, and he managed to even rip the piss out of me from India. 12 years and still ripping me apart.

It made me realise that there are certain things that only happen when you when you’re in a longstanding friendship. And they are all marvellous.

You know things such as;

  • You will be completely outrageously rude to each other all the time. And then just go to the bar like you just casually asked what the weather was doing outside. See ‘Alright you absolute bellend, would you like a pint’?
  • You don’t have to explain your back story. When they refer to someone at work as ‘knobface’ you know they mean the girl in accounts that has been holding up their expenses since the dawn of time. And you kind of hate her a bit too.
  • You also know the structure, names, surnames and wives names of each others entire workplace. You know who to hate, who to fancy and who you should be scared of when they shout at your mate.
  • You never have to ask what the other one wants to drink. When you get to the pub first, you order your usuals and sit and wait.
  • You know to NEVER speak about what happened that time in Year 10 at that house party. You don’t even bring it up when you’re on your own. You just don’t do it.
  • You clock people in bars that the other one will find attractive before they do. Dean is well good at this game. ‘Oi oi Jo, he’s a bit of you’. Joker.
  • When shit gets real. You know loss of jobs or seriously ill family members or a boyfriend that runs off with a 45 year old (ahem – hashtag true story), you rally round no matter where you are. You sense when the other one wants to talk about it. You sense when they don’t. You sense when you just need to take them out,  buy them a shot of raspberry vodka and sit and wait for the tears to come.
  • You sometimes meet up and sit in near silence. Because you’ve been on the group whatsapp all week but you just fancy not being in the house. You know the fine details off all of your pals weeks, but it’s still nice to sit and jam around the same table.
  • You have the best stories about each other pissed up. The best stories that you always tell new people when you meet them. And you spend ten minutes cracking up. Only to realise that your new buddies weren’t there. Because they weren’t in Malia 07. So it’s not so funny for them.
  • You can spend hours laughing at each other’s romantic history. Because everyone else knew the guy with a dodgy rucksack and a child (and probably a wife) was a bad idea, but they let you run with it just so they had ammo in 5 years time to rip you. And they still do.
  • You genuinely care about each other’s family. Like they’re your own. They might as well be.
  • You see each other at least once a week. Sometimes twice. Normally three times. Cos it’s easier than going out with that new crowd you met through the gym.
  • Sometimes you just speak in grunts. ‘Mate, pass the urggggh’…*silently hands over the menu and carries about their business*
  • You can call each other and it not affect your friendship. ‘Pal, I love you but you are being an absolute thick prat and I can’t even handle your noise, see you tomorrow’. You get what I mean.
  • You know that when you say, ‘don’t mention it to anyone else’, you know that means that everyone else in your little team will know instantly. It’s just people outside of that you don’t want knowing how drunk and naked you got.



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