Uncategorized

Impatience is the virtue

HURRY UP!!

I read an article this week about how our constant need to multi task is killing of our brain cells.

Sadly, it wasn’t referring to a woman’s ability to load a washing machine, send three emails and cook a four course dinner all with one hand.

It was referring to how we multi-task with technology.

You know how guilty we all are of clicking onto Facebook when we are waiting for an attachment to download at work, and simultaneously sending back a tirade of abuse to the 14,000 Whatsapp groups we are in.

Having the opportunity to click click click away whilst waiting for something else is not only killing our brain cells but it’s making us super impatient.

We can’t just simply wait for stuff anymore, because there’s always something else we could be doing/checking/tweeting about.

How do I know we, as a nation, are getting impatient.

Key indicators.

  • We can’t even wait for three whole minutes to hail a black cab anymore. We are on Uber, requesting a car, whilst having a wee before we’ve even left the pub. Why stand on a street like a normal person when you can be from bog to cab in one stride?
  • We can’t wait until we meet up with friends to tell them how we are. We must instantly tell the world and it’s mum our current mood, share with them a photo of our dinner and a selfie of us taking a shit the minute it’s happened. Status updates are the sign of the impatient man.
  • We can’t possibly wait until we get home to buy ourselves some clothes/home furnishings/bog rolls online. We must do it on an app, on a crowded train, and then pay through the nose to have it the following morning. Because waiting 3 days for a parcel like a sane human is far too much to ask. Not as insane as asking someone to go to an actual shop to buy what they want and have it right then and there. That shit cray.
  • We’ve stopped being able to wait for an old school text to send. We must Whatsapp. All the time. And then worry when we don’t get an immediate response the minute we’ve seen the infamous double blue tick. Whatsapp – the home of the headfuck.
  • We’ve become so impatient that typing words out is even too much hassle these days. Why say what I need to when I can spell it out with four emjois? Speed is of the essence!
  • We can’t wait to get to the station to pick up a newspaper. We must know all of the days headlines, in 140 characters, before we’ve even got our arses out of bed. There’s not enough time clearly to stop, smile and collect a Metro from the poor bastard freezing his knackers off at East Croydon.
  • We haven’t even got time to put a pin number in anymore. It’s all swipe and run these days. Swipe and bloody run. Swipe and run away with someone else’s money, more like. Contactless – a criminals free pass.& the biggest indicator of all…
  • Our ability to queue has dwindled beyond belief because of the joys of speedy boarding, self service checkouts and ApplePay. Five years ago we were more than happy to line up for our lunch in an orderly and controlled fashion. Now, we’re three people back in Pret and the guy at the front has the audacity to pay in cash. And out of nowhere you want to chuck your Dolphin Friendly Caught Tuna Baguette at the bastard’s head and scream ‘WHY ARE YOU NOT PAYING WITH YOUR WATCH?!’

LL

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