It’s a year ago this week since I moved into our flat. A year since I left the busom of the earth mother herself, Sue Irwin.This week I’ve finally mustered up the courage to go halves on a sofa and finally set up some direct debits. Whilst battling with the washing machine drawer yesterday and getting covered in old fabric softener, I realised there are so many things people don’t tell you about leaving home.
In the coming weeks, thousands of students will embark on the journey of a lifetime, living on their own for the first time ever and I think it’s time to share some wisdom.
So here are the things people don’t tell you about leaving home.
– First things first, cleaning out the drawer in the washing machine is hands down one of the rankest things you’ll ever do. Who knew water could hum so bad?
– Surprisingly, that big white box in the corner of your kitchen doesn’t fill itself up automatically. In fact, it costs a small bloody fortune to fill up.
– TV license is the biggest rip know to man kind.
– Funnily enough, if you don’t clean, nobody else will and before you know it you are living in a dust castle.
– You’ll get a bit obsessed with cleaning products. You’ll have a favourite brand of Pledge in less than 6 weeks.
– If you sleep through your alarm, your fucked. Your mum won’t just arrive with tea and a gentle nudge. You’ll be late & sacked.
– Flats don’t just come with a magic cupboard that contains every light bulb under the sun. When they go, you have to track down the right one. And risk your life changing it on a rickety old chair. Because your super long Dad doesn’t live in your living room anymore.
– You begin to appreciate how hard your Mum worked at keeping a cupboard of snacks at home. Because on a Sunday morning, when you’re dying of a hangover, you just need to know that there is a variety of crisps in the kitchen. Instead, when you live alone, you have to dress yourself to go out and buy them. Heartbreaking.
– You’ll learn to really like black coffee. Because you’ll constantly forget to buy any milk.
– You’ll go weeks without a roast dinner. They are such headache to even consider making for yourself. And joints of meat cost the earth.
– Cleaning out a plug hole is horrifying. World ending amounts of hair and manky soap. Vom.
– Sometimes you’ll just have wine for dinner, cos you don’t have a cupboard full of ingredients to “rustle something up”, so you just don’t bother.
– Rent is an actual thing. Like, if you don’t pay it, you will be a full on tramp.
& last but not least
– you’ll wake up in the night to the smallest noise…cos your Dad ain’t there anymore to protect you from the bloody boogie man.