You know the stupid things that you worry about every day, that are proper dumb, but make you feel sick all the same. Yeah. Here they are.
– Checking your bank balance. Genuinely the most nauseating task any one human can undertake in the 10 days leading up to payday…or the 10 days straight after depending how much of a wrecker you are.
– That your Mum will one day find out how much is on your credit card. Might be 26 but that flying slipper still scares the shit out of me.
-That your boss will rumble how much your LinkedIn activity has increased in the recent weeks. Eeek!
– That you’ve got Metro paper ink all over your moosh when you walk into a meeting and nobody in reception had the nerve to tell you. That right there is a gut wrencher.
– That everyone on the train knows how much enjoyment you get from reading Rush Hour Crush. LOVE HOW THAT CAN SOMETIMES UNFOLD.
– That you’ll risk a hayfever sneeze when not in possession of a Kleenex and make a right old mess in your hand. Now that’s a concern.
– That the ‘see who’s looking at your Facebook’ thing is actually real and you’ll finally be tumbled for how long you spend at lunch time having a good old stalk of girls you went to school with and comparing their lives to yours.
– THAT YOU LEFT YOUR HAIR STRAIGHTENERS ON.
– That the bad breath smell on the train is actually you. Even though you were born with decent human skills and leave the house minty fresh…you always to second guess yourself.
– That you might actually fall down the gap at the station. One puff of wind and your over. Even though you are a good, meaty (rather not say how many stones) lady and the chances are slim to none.
(See what I did there? Slim. I make myself laugh…)
– That you have red lipstick all over your teeth and the people on the bus aren’t your mates so they won’t tell you and will just let you walk round looking like a bad hooker.
– That the fitty on the bus will think you’re a bad hooker because of the lipstick problem. OH GOD THIS ESCALATED.
– That you might be that girl that falls off the treadmill in the gym. So you just avoid it and as such stay flabbier than you really should be.
– That you might not make it home with 45% battery so you aeroplane it from 3pm onwards.
– That you’ll miss out on a life changing what’sapp or tweet if you go on aeroplane mode for too long. (this was someone else’s not mine, my phone is on plane mode for a good 40% of the day, I’m going off people at a staggering rate)
– That you’ll sleep through your alarm…so you automatically wake up an hour too early and hate yourself a bit.
& last but not least
– That you’ve swiped the love off your life in haste off of your Tinder and there’s no way to get him back. Ever. He’s gone and your destined to live with a cat. Ouch.