Here’s one of my favorite pictures from my teenage years. Top button undone, hooped earrings and flagged by girls I’m still pleased to call mates. One now lives abroad, one is about to take over the music management scene and I am still taller than both of them…anyway, I digress.
On my to work every morning, I walk past the same 15 year old girl, the same age as I am in this picture I think (don’t hold me to that). We cross paths at Primark (because Croydon is all the class) and my heart goes out to her every day. If she’s not pulling up her knee high socks (they’re back) or ruffling her pony tail, she’s pulling at her shirt or arguing with her bag strap. She looks so uncomfortable with herself and I feel her pain. Being 15 is the WORST. And every bit of me wants to just say to her one morning ‘In 10 years, none of this will matter’ but I know that she’s probably been awake til 2am because Ben Miller didn’t reply to her text, or her Mum found her Cosmo magazine under her bed and cried because she finally found out about bikini waxing, or her best friend stopped talking to her for NO reason. It got me thinking about all the things that are awful about being that age, and how you could never pay me enough money to go back to it. But also, how many questions I would ask myself each and every day!
Here they are, with the help of the girls obviously,
The Questions All 15 Year Old Girls Ask Themselves.
1. What length should I be wearing my tie today? What will the repercussions be if I get it wrong? Will it make my mates hate me? Probably.
2. Why is Mum trying to ruin my life by telling me I’m too young to wear make up? When I have a face that looks like a pizza. And I’m basically going to get spat on when I go to school tomorrow.
3. Why is Mum trying to ruin my life by telling me I’m too young to shave my legs? When I have monkey legs and the boys in my class will start calling me Monkey Legs by the end of PE tomorrow.
4. Why is everyone else wearing a thong? Do they not go up your fanny? Do they not make you feel like you’re being cut in half? They kind of scare me.
5. Will I get married to Rob Compton? Because he looked at me in Maths. So I’m pretty sure we will.
6. WHERE ARE MY DISNEY SOCKS? I can’t wear my jogging bottoms out without them. My life is over.
7. What song lyric should I have as my MSN screename to expose every emotion I am feeling right now? It should probably be off the new Usher album. Because he just gets me.
8.Will I know for definite if I’m a lesbian? Because I might be and not just know? No I really do think I’ll marry Rob Compton. I mean he’s got a girlfriend but I’m defintley number one.
9. DoILickADickADay? Do people actually do that? Oh god.
10. Will my fanny fall off if I use Immac? If my mum finds out will she kill me? How much air freshener gets rid of the smell from the bathroom?
11. I think I might be sick if I smoke that? But everyone else is, so should I? Why do I feel like the room is moving? Why am I laughing so much? Oh god.
12. If I don’t revise for my GCSEs will I really get a job in Tesco? And will I have to stay there forever? Or will I actually be OK cos, well, my cousins are?
13. What if my teeth hit his when he kisses me for the first time? What if my breath stinks? Oh god he’s coming for my face. OHHHHH GOOOOOD. Yeah I kissed a boy. I’m such a don. Why is he not talking to me? Why has he told everyone our teeth clashed when they didn’t? I hate him.
14. Why are Jack Moorcroft & Chris Kirby playing catch with that girls sanitary towel? That’s really mean. But why am I laughing so much? Am I a bitch or is that just funny? Oh god is my bag zipped up? Oh no it’s my sanitary towel. I hate them.
15. How bad are Teacher/Student affairs really? Because Mr Ashdown is SO FIT AND I LOVE HIM.
16. Why did he spend all night talking to be on MSN and is now ignoring me? But texting me to say I look pretty in Science? But cussing me when he’s with his friends? Why are boys so mean? I think I love him.
17. Will I get arrested if I forge my Mum’s signature in my homework planner? But I did all my homework so should I just ask her to sign it? But if people see me faking her signature they’ll think I’m cool. I’ve done it. I’m cool.
18. Will my hoops ever stop hurting my ears? They’re so achy.
19. Why is my shirt not doing up? Oh my god I had a boob spurt over night. And it’s only Wednesday. Which means no new shirts til Saturday. Will this mean I get a boyfriend?
20. Will anyone ever fancy me? Train tracks are RUINING MY WHOLE LIFE.
21. How many calories were in that ice cream? Should I just not eat til a week Tuesday? Because being fat is the worst thing in the world ever.
22. Why won’t Mum let me use the phone to call my mate? I need to know what she’s wearing shopping tomorrow. So I can wear the exact same thing. Because that is how we do.
23. Will I be a virgin forever? Probably. I’ve got braces and it’s Valentines Day and nobody left a card for me in tutor time. Oh wait, they did? Who was it? Was it a dare? Are they laughing at me right now? Oh god.
24. Do you think Alexandra really is pregnant with twins? Because she lies all the time. But I’m sure she’s telling the truth this time. In fact I know she’s lying but I’m going to tell anyone because it is the gossip of the year.
25. Do you think they are real drugs in his bag? They smell like Surf. Does cocaine smell like Surf? Is he really that much of a bad ass? I really fancy him.
26. What if I loose all my mates over the summer holidays because Mum is making me go to my Nan’s for a whole week?
27. If I tell him I fancy him in his year book he might not see it and I can just blame that for him not texting me, can’t I? Yeah let me do that, in my best glitter gel pens. True. Love.
28. Is it wrong that I don’t think fingering sounds nice? What is wrong with me? Maybe I am a lesbian?
29. Why doesn’t he know that I fancy him? Oh wait, he’s just asked me to ask out my best mate for him. How will I ever get over this heart break? **that actually happened to me just so you know**
30. When will life stop becoming so bloody confusing?
When you discover wine, coffee and social smoking babes. Trust.