Fibs All Blokes Tell

‘Oh no, my guy would never lie to me, he knows better’ said one particularly awful excuse of a woman on the phone on the bus this morning.
Firstly, don’t air your business on public transport. Secondly, don’t be a fool.
I don’t care how scary your acrylic nails and four foot eyelashes are sweetheart, he doesn’t know better. I’m not saying he’s out and out lying, being devious behind your back but he has 100% fibbed to you at least twice in the last week. 
Fibs are fine. Fibs are normal. Fibs aint nothing to be worried about. 
But all blokes fib. And they all tell the same ones.
& here they are
The Fibs All Blokes Tell.
– I’m still at work, this report is taking me forever to get through, I’ll be about an hour late.
(I finished it before my deadline, as always, and now I’m having a swift one on the way home)
– Of course I’m listening babe. 
(definitely not)
– Literally, I’m just going for one on the way to the station. 
 (See you in the morning)
– I was honest to god leaving the pub and never guess who walked in. Only know Mystery Dave that we never really see. Well I owed him a pint, and then he bought me one back. You know how it is.
(you always planned to meet Dave) 
– It will be good to see your Mum & Dad.
(As if)
–  I only put a tenner on that horse
(minimum of £25 has gone on that horse)
– I’m not saying you are less important than the football.
(but I’m 100% not interested in anything you have to say about work in the next hour and a half)

– I’m not having a big one tonight. I’ll make sure I’m home because we’ve got stuff to do tomorrow. 
( I don’t want to do DIY so I’m going to get ‘accident’ drunk)
– Yeah I know the dress you’re talking about, I like that on you.
– Ah sorry, my battery died. 
(Was playing FIFA)
& my favourite
– Honest, I’ve only ever been to a strip club because the beers in there are so cheap. 
(& the boobs are so pert)
LL x

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