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Payday vs. Poorday

What day of the month do you get paid? 
We get paid on the 25th…which means the next 3 days are going to be actual hell on earth. I’m hoping that at one point in my life, I meet someone that forces me to take control of my finances…not in a violent way, just in a ‘Jo sort your life out’ way. Someone that stops me from being a payday millionaire who splashes all she owns and earns in about 72 hours to spend 3 weeks living like someone who doesn’t have a permanent address. 
 
There’s such a stark difference between people’s behaviour the week before payday – I’m branding it PoorDay and the actual day of joy itself.
Some examples.
Payday 
  I’m going to go home via Waitrose, I’m buying some cheese that I can’t pronounce the name of and probably won’t even like, I’m going to buy EVERYTHING branded and treat myself to a tin of caviar. I am a lottery winner and I belong in Waitrose.
Poorday
 Lidl have really started taking the piss charging me £2.20 for six organic chicken breasts. Lairy little gits.
***
Payday 
Get me to the MAC counter, plaster my face and make me look like Beyonce. Yep. I’ll buy the lot. £250 is a bargain when you’re getting a free make up bag AND brush. 
Poorday 
Have you got any scissors? I just need to cut the end off of my Rimmel tinted moisturizer so that I don’t scare children on the way to work.
***
Payday 
 I need four pairs of Air Max 90’s. All in a different colour. All on my feet. Right now.
Poorday 
 I need to find the receipts for them immediately, return them in enough time for the money to clear so I can pay the council tax. Oh no I cleared my purse out. Right, they’re going on eBay. I’m sorry how much should I start the bidding at…I didn’t realise a trainer’s value depreciated like a car! 
***
Payday 
 Let’s have a takeaway. Come on it’s payday – my treat. Do you want sides? Drinks? Double up? It’s fine, I’m totally OK with spending £30 on pizza. 
Poorday
 Annnnnd I’m in bed hungry. 
***
Payday
No, no it’s your birthday. You are NOT paying for your dinner in this really over priced AsianFusion joint.
Poorday
You’re not even really my mate, I’m certainly not coming out for your birthday.
***
Payday
Going to get my hair did. Yeah, go on then I’ll pay the extra for a ‘bespoke blowdry’.
Poorday
Shampoo got EXPENSIVE. How often do you really need to wash your hair ?
***
Payday
   I’m going to get home, have a bubble bath, cheeky face mask, listen to some tunes and catch up on some Netflix. 
Poorday
   I must not turn on the heating or use any electric. I will sit, in the dark, under a blanket and hope to god my phone battery lasts until I get to work tomorrow to recharge. 
***
Payday 
Andrex
Poorday 
Iceland’s 4 for £1 bog roll. 
***
Payday  
I’m thinking about buying a car. I mean, I don’t really need one but Fiat 500’s are too cute not to have. I can manage the monthly repayments. I’m going to go test drive one tomorrow.
Poorday
I’m in the overdraft of my Oyster card.
***
Payday 
Shall we go on holiday, like a nice little last minute weekend away. Nothing extravagant, couple of hundred quid. Get away.
Poorday 
I need to walk to work for the next week.

***
Payday 
 Bottle of Prosecco.
Poorday 
Bottle of one up from Gnat’s Piss. 
***
Payday
Pret or Eat? Pret or Eat? 

Poorday 
Can of Minestrone that’s been in your drawer for a year or nothing? 
***
Payday
 My round. Fuck it, let’s have a tequila.
Poorday
 My round. Fuck it, let’s have a tequila. 
Cos let’s face it. There’s always money for the pub 
LL xx
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