So this week someone decided it was a good idea to turn the tap on in the clouds and remind us all that a summer of festivaling and beers in the park is well and truly over. The heating went on and the commutes home are now officially done in the dark. Autumn’s here, Christmas is round the corner and I’ve well and truly got the hump.
So here it is.
My list of the 20 things that I hate about Autumn.
1. You realise that months spent with your feet in flip flops has meant that they have spread, which means that everything closed toe that goes on them now feels like a mouse trap. Hello blisters!
2. Your skin dries out. You look like an elephant. End.
3. Conversations begin to centre solely around Christmas which does nothing but make you realise that another year is nearly over and you’re STILL not a millionaire.
4. Your depressing lack of remaining annual leave dawns on you…
5….as does the realisation that you need to pay all the holidays and festivals off of your credit card in one month flat so you can actually afford Christmas.
6. You need to update your wardrobe but realise there are only two types of clothes available to purchase now – 1) the slutty sequined Christmas dress, 2) the rank novelty jumper. Joy.
7. Oh yeah, the fact that someone turns the sky off at 5pm everyday. Love that.
8. Girls – the drama of wearing tights in general. But especially wearing tights on office chairs. HELLO ITCH – HOW ARE YOU?
9. Having to wear clothes that are suitable for scuba diving and sunbathing everyday because the weather has an undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
10. Your Instagram feed is filled with pictures of leaves. And puddles. And people’s feet in boots. Yawn. I’m only interested in rudely placed conkers. Thanks.
11. You start to gain weight at a rate of knots. You go into ‘I’m a bear’ mode and feel the need to eat everything in sight in preparation for the hibernation that will never occur.
12 . ADVENT CALENDARS ON SALE IN OCTOBER. NO!
13. The fact that you’re expected to wake up in the dark. Not natural. Not. Natural.
14. Your skin looses any element of glow it had. You are now required to carry out some sort of foundation based plaster work to stop you commuting looking like Casper The Friendly Ghost.
15. Having to try and remember how your boiler works, and spend the evening in fear you’re going to gas yourself out. Every single girls worst nightmare FYI.
16. You get all your jumpers out of the deepest darkest drawer from February to realise they kind of smell of must. Grim.
17. Drinking inside of the pub is now required. Not happy.
18. Having to put up with Louis Walsh on your TV every weekend between now and Christmas. Just disappear/ get arrested already.
19. The revival of the onesie. The least flattering, most awful item of clothing anybody, ever invented.
and last but by no means least….
20. The Pride of Britain awards are on TV. Which means two things and two things only. 1) Two hours of Carol ‘my dress is inappropriate for this occasion’ Voderman 2) two hours of endless sobbing at the kids with no arms that are already such better people that you will EVER be.